Grieve

Just filled with so much sadness last night. To be honest I didnt know my tear ducts were capable of dispelling such high volumes of liquid. So much grieve. Grieving over scenarios which i have created in my own huge head.
I have no idea why I do this to myself. Balled my eyes out for 2 whole hours listening to Beyonce-Heaven and imagining life after the death of my loved ones.

This may or may not be related to the state of MM LKY. As of today, he has passed on. RIP. I didnt think I’d feel this sad. But I do.

I’ve never failed to mention how i can’t wait to grow up and be out of Singapore. But between you and me where else would I go? India? Yes i do feel at home in India however I know I wont be able to tolerate some of their shrewed mentality.
The real reason why I want to be out of Singapore is due to the fact that I do not have the confidence in myself that I’d survive in a country such as this. Will I survive in this fast paced city?
I realise how ungrateful I’ve been. As a Singaporean I’ve been blessed with one of the best educations.  Would I have had that if I was in India? No. There are so many more things I can talk about but I shall go on no further. I honestly need to stop whining about things that so insignificant and be grateful for what I already possess.  I have spent about 17 years of my life in Singapore, in the end, it will always feel like home. It’s not because of the duration of my stay, but because I belong here. It will always be home.

This is home,truly.

Advertisements

Missing

Today I realised what I was missing. Myself. I was missing myself.

What happened to my thirst to learn new things/skills?

What happened to my goal of achieving a fit body?

What happened to Nim that was so focused and never let anyone stand between her and what she wanted to do?

I guess I grew/changed for better or for worse that I do not know.

What I do know is that I have a lot of thought running through my head and I wanna just type it all out but well it’s 5:20pm and I’m at work and aint nobody gonna stay past this time here. Also, my laptop died on me so my next possibly messy update will be on my new laptop.

If you read this sent me a text that says I love you ❤ xoxo much appreciated