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Indifference

in·dif·fer·ence [in-dif-er-uh ns, -dif-ruh ns]

—noun

lack of interest or concern: We were shocked by their indifference toward poverty.

unimportance; little or no concern: Whether or not to attend the party is a matter of indifference to him.

the quality or condition of being indifferent.
mediocre quality; mediocrity.

That’s totally not how i feel right now.

I feel it

Anxiety.
I feel it.
Anxious all the time.
Heated forehead, racing heart beats, irregular breaths, no thirst for life.

Sadness.
I feel it.
Feeling much of it lately.
No thirst for life.
Or maybe I became too thirty I drained out.
Tears rolling down my cheeks.
Why cant I control it?

Stress.
I feel it.
Just hearing the word stress is making my forehead sweat.
Taking in deep breaths. Shivering arms.

Weakness.
I feel it.
Like the blood draining away from my body.
Head spinning nauseous you name it I feel it.

There comes a point in time where you believe you need help.
A point where you’re not in denial anymore.
That you finally accept somethings not right.
And all you need is help.

Help me.

Imma survivor

Imma survivor
Im gonna make it
Imma survivor
Keep on surviving

Thanks Queen B. Thanks Destinys Child.
Songs like these keep me going.

Lately my emotions been taking a toll on me.

I cant get myself to do anything.
Some days are so bad i wake up and just lie in bed.
Eventually get up, not to go to work, but to go to the nearest clinic to get an MC cause I cant do shit.
I cant sleep.
I can’t do work.
Im not productive.
I have absolutely no mood.
I haven been to the gym in 2 weeks.
Not just the gym, i haven’t been active for the past 2 weeks, well except that one yoga class.
I haven’t been packing lunch.
I haven’t written my personal statement for my uni application.
I haven’t been thinking.
I’m trying to keep my head empty.
I feel like I think so deep into the future it’s hurting my present.
I shouldn’t be this stressed.
I’m not even 21.