There was no us

No you dont have to love me if you don’t wanna,
dont act like I mean nothing, if you’re gonna,
Unkiss me, untouch me, untake this heart

Today i woke up broken hearted. Yesterday I felt jealousy like a punch to the gut.

I don’t wanna feel. I dont want to. Yet i do.

It’s strange.  Every morning i wake up with a different feeling. Somedays I’m like fuck you. Sometimes I’m like, I like you too much to let go.

Then I realise, it’s all one sided. It has always been one sided. My side. Me. Alone. It pains me so much. Me. Alone.

How could I have been so foolish? You made me push aside my big ego. I was acting a bit differently, way nicer. Why? Cause I was so blinded by you.

Maybe I’d feel differently in a while. That’s one of the reasons why i  took the liberty to penn this down. So that i can look back and realise what i felt. What you made me feel.

I dont like how you use your phone so much when I’m there like hello?
I dont like how you feel ‘lazy’ to drop me at the busstop.
I don’t like how you dont understand the word NO.
I dont like how you never say anything
I dont like how you think it’s alright to tell me how excited you are for ladies night. I really dont. If fact this was what kinda brought me back to my senses for a while. I felt like a whole bag of nothing.
I don’t like how things have changed.
I dont like how we don’t have much to say to each other anymore. We used to be able to talk about anything and everything. But now it’s different.

It’s different and I dont like it.

-Nimisha

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