March of 2012 had been an awful month for me.Got my results for the sem and they were devastating. Like wow. I couldnt believe I went that low. Felt like i had hit rock bottom. Studies were like shit. Was a shitty daughter, sister.All round shitty person. I just had to do something to make myself feel better about the person that i am. So i decided to adopt a healthy lifestyle.Like really healthy and stuff.I mean, I wanted to be mentally happy with myself. My self esteem was a real low.Being called fat. no i did not like it. Of course on the outside i was laughing along with them.But on the inside, i was devastated 😥 Just cause i dont show anything out,it’s ok? NO FUCK YOU.It’s like no one knows how low my self esteem is. Everyone around me is super confident about themselves.I wish i felt confident…
EVERYTHING WAS JUST BAD. ROCK.BOTTOM,NUFF SAID. Eating healthy and exercising was the only thing that was going on for me. Regular exercise helped me lose some weight. Losing weight is all about discipline. That’s something i learned during those weeks. Applied that to my studies and did way better. I wont say i did fantastic but indeed a great improvement from the previous sem.
As school started, i couldnt keep up with all the healthy eating and exercising gained back some weight. SAD. It’s really easy to gain, but fucking hard to lose. SUCKS.
Anyway, now that i am having itp for 3 months, i decided to use this time to get back into that lifestyle. But it feels harder now. Maybe cause i am not that determined? Maybe i need someone to push me down a pit for me to climb back again? I dunno. My initial plan was to lose 5 kg by end of Feb and start hitting the gym from march onwards. But, i havent been exercising in January..at…all. Im just too tired after itp:/ I reach home at 7+ everyday.And on weekends it’s either im too lazy or my family will have plans.
Hais. one month has passed. It’s feb and the past few days i’ve been eating like i’m preparing to hibernate or something. JUST TOO MUCH FOOD. and BAD food. I need that stability in my life again. I was really strict with ymself then. NO FAST FOOD. NO CHOCOLATES/SWEETS ETC.NO FRIED FOODS. Basically i’d prepare my own meals using wholefoods. I WANNA BE ABLE TO RESIST TEMPTATION. URGH.
Thinking of making blog posts about my journey. Like my everyday meals and exercise and stuff. That way i can keep track of where i am and what i did. I should be able to see changes.
It’s Feb 4th. The day I start on my journey once again.